The individual with the humiliation wound, or masochist, lived in an environment hostile to tender feelings.
Certainly, their pleas and supplications were to no avail in the face of their mother’s authoritarian attitude.
Therefore, they now react with a certain distrust to the tenderness of others; the fear of being deceived, along with rage and anger, is always present in their unconscious.
Since their own mother used her sympathy and love to humiliate them, they constantly suspect that others want to take advantage of them.
As a consequence of their experiences, they tend to be “good, submissive, and agreeable” to others, which is related to their need for approval.
To themselves, they are quite the opposite; unconsciously, their attitude is one of negativity and resentment.
When anger manifests, it will do so in the form of passive aggression, through the withdrawal of affection, emotional emptiness, and self-deprecating complaints.
In relationships with others, they try to go unnoticed, rarely expressing their opinions clearly or discussing their personal lives.
This stems from childhood experiences in which they felt their needs, tastes, opinions, or abilities were not taken into account.
On the contrary, they felt ashamed and humiliated when they tried to express themselves or show themselves as they felt.
Their parents, in a way, censored them and told them that what happened within the family, especially negative events, was no one else’s business and should remain secret, kept only to themselves.
The individual with a humiliation wound has great difficulty managing boundaries with others.
They certainly fear invading other people’s space, just as much as having their own space invaded.
Similarly, he also fears rejection, which can lead to withdrawal.
As a consequence, this can pose a significant problem for him, since he needs permission to reintegrate, and he generally doesn’t dare to ask for it.
When it comes to the masochistic-active structure in his relationships with others, he will always appear dissatisfied, moody, and will openly express his anger.
Meanwhile, he will constantly criticize others for everything and blame them for any circumstance.
Furthermore, taking advantage of his “verbal barbs,” he will project his aggression outward, doing so at the most vulnerable moments to hurt them where it hurts most.
Likewise, he will feel dominated, humiliated, and manipulated by anyone, complaining and reproaching them for not respecting him and for preventing him from living his life the way he wants, and he will hold them responsible for his lack of freedom and his suffering.
An individual with a history of humiliation may, at certain times, unleash their aggression and become extremely violent.
A crucial aspect to highlight is the relationship a masochist typically maintains with their children.
They will likely project onto them all the emotional burden of frustration they carry within.
They may even become a tormentor to their own children, attempting to repress, control, and limit them.
Furthermore, they may even use guilt to manipulate and dominate them.
Consequently, they are projecting and repeating the same behavior they themselves suffered as children.
Extracted from my book The Task of the Soul, if you are interested you can purchase it by clicking on the Amazon link:
Image: lightcentre.com
